Jodine's Art Space: My Poetry

Life and Death - A War

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 10:36:16 GMT

PERSEPHONE PERSONIFIED

I'm trying to understand this place, and my skin crawls

with dissatisfaction

and I pray

to an unknown God while Goddesses whisper in my ear,

stoning my heart and burying me in the sands of time

the river Styx shines its mirrored veil

and I am sucked beneath ancient waters,

blackened as the night is deep

my soul writhes in despair

and I sink

I breathe in the water and my spirit swears

Hades dark and foreboding bearing gifts like fruit

I recognise him and defend

and I am weary

For God has forsaken me

I cry out in anger and throw my fist

I am but a child, small and snivelling

Persephone personified

and I am reborn, again and again

dying each time

If life has meaning then

I am blinded

for I see no reason

Where are you Demeter?

Mother!

I have no mother

I close my eyes

and I weep but do not pray

my soul surrenders

and the Fates weave their ancient threads

I am suckling at her breast,

at last

I am dead

Love for Sale

Sun, 07 Oct 2007 03:02:06 GMT

Love for sale

Your wish is my command and I will push back and pull forward

confronting your senses while tearing apart my own

I perform admirably and I hold my head up in the face

There’s only one thing on my mind, a means to a financial end

No monthly specials here

No flat ‘on my back’ rate either

I’m a bargain in the first place, comparatively

They should be so lucky

No chance of getting bored,

I re-invent events

Creatively juicy and spicy hot with a side of lies

the blood never drains nor loses its metallic colour

and the well will never dry with KY,

spread from arsehole to breakfast like _______

Class?

I got class, my website deems it so

“It would be my absolute pleasure to welcome you into my wonderful world, filled with all things naughty and nice. Together we will laugh and play, and have the time of our lives. Seductive promises and tantalizing teases will light up your world and mine”

Oh make me over, please!

I lie

on my back, my side, my stomach… and my face is covered

69 DIVINE and women line up!

I’m not exclusive… smile ;)

Sad and lonely is universally applied, like my eyeliner

smudged and blurred

obscured from most

I provide a service, the hostess with the mostest

and fine wine will have you spellbound!

They line up and I spread em’

W I D E

Downtown in a private apartment with a sea view

on Fur-lined Avenue – NOT!

my un-inhibited wide-on, exhibited

my Privates,

my UP-market apartment and

the 26^th floor, awaits you

but I’m not for free

NEVER for free

I am a Lady of the Night

who shines in the face of adversity

with trust issues and insecurities like the rest of us

and I am not blinded by earthly needs by fools

I wake up, I put on my make-up

and I dance to my own tune

and pay the bills

My Baby

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 06:04:51 GMT

My Baby 1

I awake with images fresh in my minds eye

the back of my legs scarred

thigh to ankle, like staples in a seam

A permanent stocking scar

I feel like a cheap whore in a supermarket

I open my closet and a RED polka dot dress hangs

too small for my frame but I stretch it

I turn to a few more clothes on my bed

beautiful and ugly, I choose

A garish blue/green skirt frumps from my fruit

Bare breasts, too full to find a matching top

walk into the bathroom

I stare into a room with a double and single bunk

my daughter sits in front of the mirror______ blank

where the bath should be

Her boyfriend is in the next room up the hall

I sneak and see him on the bed, silent

I am topless, fat and ugly

Where am I?

and where is my baby?

Another version of same poem 2:

Awakened images imprinted

eyes in the back of my legs,

scarred

thigh to ankle

like staples in a seam

A permanent stocking

A cheap whore in a supermarket

A doorway leads to a RED dress

hanging polka dotted dots

too small but s t r e t c h e d

clothes strewn in chaos

beautiful and ugly, chosen

A garish blue/green skirt frumps

from my fruit

Bare breasts too full

walk into a dream

beds doubled and single

and she sits in front of the mirror

______ blank

where the bath should be

full

Her Beau next door, silent

I sneak by glancing and

see him quiet

I am topless, fat and ugly

Where am I?

and where is my baby?

Another version 3:

Awakening from images

imprinted on my mind

eye's in the back of my legs

scarred

thigh to ankle

like staples in a seam

A permanent stocking

A cheap whore in a supermarket

A doorway leads to a RED dress

hanging polka dotted dots sway

too small but s t r e t c h e d

clothes in chaos, strewn

beautiful and ugly, chosen

A garish blue/green skirt frumps

from my fruit

Bare breasts too full

walk into a dream

beds troubled and single

and she sits in front of the mirror

__________ (blank)

where the bath should be

full

Her beau next door daring

and sneakers slip

I glance

and hear silence weep

I am topless, fat and ugly

Where am I?

and where is my baby?

Cancer Day

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 05:51:36 GMT

Cancer Day

"By God its good to see family when you're sick!" He says

with outstretched arms and teary eyes overflowing

He must really be dying I think and feel really bad

He must be feeling worse to be so open with his affections like that, finally, after all these years

He shys away behind me as I lean forward

Too soon for him but not too late

Is that what its like to die, to soften and let down

a lifetime of guard?

Do I have to wait that long before I see the next generation smile and laugh,

or weep

without finding something to be defensive about?

A father's legacy

I wonder if he feels sorry or sad or scared even, probably____

He's hurt a lot of people

but people still love him and he is like a baby

wanting hugs and finding joy in the smallest of things

He will be gone soon and life will move on

He's not my father

I don't know how I feel yet she says...

Abruptly!

Capitalism Poem

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 05:30:58 GMT

Professional Sales Rep, TVNZ

JOB No: 90210

I am writing to express my interest in the above position of Sales Rep. I have been a Professional Sales Rep in the Sex Industry for the past two years and I believe I have all the skills necessary to work as a Sales Rep with you.

* Must be presentable and reliable:

I have always taken pride in my appearance and I have a knack for cornering the market and finding a niche in any street, suburb, town or city. I have a large collection of high class designer clothing complete with stiletto’s, stockings and short skirts to suit most formal occasions. I have been available 24/7, for the past two years and managed this extremely well with my laptop and Outlook Express Calendar. I was able to meet most client needs favourably, short and long term. I am always reliable, clean and prepared for my clients.

* Must have the ability to problem solve:

There have been times where I have had to deal with some demanding clients wanting to make bookings while intoxicated. In such circumstances, I was able to successfully remain calm and remind them of my ‘sober at all times’ policy and encourage them to either make another booking or call again the following day. In rare cases, I had to de-escalate a clients disappointment by remaining seductive and full of promises using soothing words and tone of voice. This technique has worked remarkably well.

* Must have a minimum of two years experience as a sales rep:

I have been in sales for about two years and in in-formal training for most of my adult life. I have always volunteered to try out new sexual positions and techniques in order to improve the quality of my work. I am determined to master any job at hand. In my current job, I have learned how to put a condom on with my mouth, vary the wide range of vocal noises necessary at every stage of arousal and I have mastered the orgasm to perfection. I am a very quick learner and I believe I will be up to speed in no time.

* Must have a proven performance record:

I initially began my career on K Road, working closely with NZPC and I was quickly promoted to Escort before finally becoming an Independent Escort based in the CBD. I was fortunate to be given the opportunity to design and develop an International Website which has increased my marketing exposure. This has been hugely successful. I have made many contacts worldwide who will happily accompany me to any position I am successful.

* Must and have good people skills

Many of my customers are long term clients whom I see on a regular basis. I believe my clients continue to return because I am authentic and genuine in all of my communications with them. I am frequently showered with gifts, taken on small holidays and out to dinner or business functions. This in turn leads to more networking opportunity’s. I believe this demonstrates my ability to relate to all walks of life and find something positive about anyone. Some client feedback can be viewed on http://hotchicks.clientfeedback.Jodie.NZPC.com

* Please list your most recent qualifications:

- Post Graduate Diploma in Arts (Social Work),

- Graduate Certificate in Mental Health (Child & Adolescent)

- Graduate Certificate in Mental Health (Dual Diagnosis)

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to apply for the position of Sales Rep at TVNZ on Queen Street. It would be my pleasure to meet with you to discuss my application further…

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully

Jodie xx

http://www.capitalismpoem.com

Insomnia - Ted Berrigan Style

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 14:40:36 GMT

Insomnia - Ted Berrigan Style

Jodine Derena Butler

(13/09/2007)

Insomnia again. Im thinking about Ted Berrigan and the way he just writes about his day to day mundane existance, and how poetry is made from it. I tend to write like this - waffle . If I tried to write in Ted style, it might sound something like this:

Im lying awake in my bed cursing Insomnia, dreaming of falling asleep. Thoughts tuning in to the essay that was due last Monday that I have till this Monday to do if I manage to actually choose to do it. The clock ticking beside the bed doesn't exactly help the situation at 1.25 in the fucking morning. Yawn and dribble with the pen. I like to think I am being productive, constructive even. I just want to go home. I had a wrestle with my husband tonight, well bordering on an arguement over work. I don't want to and he wants me to. We are short on the mortgage but thats nothing new. We seem to scrape by in the end. Another yawn at 1.29AM. My body feels a little uncomfortable but not constipated like it was the other day. I eat well when I am at work, no shit. No meat, although meat is a relative concept in my line of work - she says slightly jaded if not overrated...

Rugby World Cup is on the TV in te next room if I can be bothered getting up to turn it on. Milk in the fridge, no more cigarette butts left in the plant pot outside though ________ random space out just then... if dreams were physical I would smack them in the face for that. Another few minutes wasted at 1.35AM. Forcing sleep, I have decided, is like pushing shit uphill. If you are lucky you might succeed. Chuckle at own joke. Body waking up rather than winding down. Nothing better to do. Don't feel like masterbating. I'm not hungry . Had my Happy Pills, maybe they are working. My feet are a little hot, but if I take my socks off , the will freeze, and that would just annoy the fuck out of me too...

My phone hasn't rung tonight with my stalker getting off. Although I did get one text which I ignored so I guess it worked. Its 1.40AM; sip a glass of water, ponder about whether or not to put my glasses on but see no point, chuckle, even though my eyes are aching in the poor light from the touch lamp on its lowest setting. I had heard to aid sleep by reducing the amount of stimuli to the brain ie: light, sound etc...

My jaw and teeth are clenched. I notice this on most days, I think it is hereditary. All the women in my family have these long drawn out withdrawn looking gaunt mouths, like Jasons mask out of that horror movie. Maybe it was Michael. 1.44AM, not bad, not good but not bad. My brain is still ticking but my eye's are heavier. I must be in luck. Yawn. 1.45AM on the dot. Pick a little skin off my face. It stubbornly refuses so I take the hint ____________ another blank moment, jumping into a fantasy about the Trans-late poetry reading next Wednesday the 19th of September , 2007, between 5 and 7pm. An elusive dream?

A quick read over the last 10 lines or so and decide I am still lucid enough to continue writing, foolishly, as I miss a line on the page and fuck it up. I would dearly love to continue to write but I must get some sleep, Open mouth wide and stretch jaw. Feel skin pull tightly and hold. Probably created more wrinkles. Deep sigh. Decide to sleep. 1.50AM.

Night

Stalker

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 11:20:38 GMT

Stalker

The ringing in my ears hurts my head

I cringe

calls in the night go unanswered

He circles

I bite my tongue and s c r e a m

in silence

there is a pounding in my head

He smiles

a fear in my heart

He laughs

I hold my breath and wait ____

afraid

the calls in the night continue

He knows

He kisses my mouth and I bleed

my blood runs c

will he stop stalking me?

will he stop stalking?

will he stop?

will he?

My Haiku's

Fri, 24 Aug 2007 08:47:15 GMT

A Stone

like my heart

can be polished

You are sleeping

I watch

knowing you are safe

Tears

like screams

run silent

The window

catches the sun

warmly

Red lights reflect

lives of strangers

entwined

I listen

to the sound

of love breathing

I watch

you come and go

I am in awe

Nightmare

Fri, 24 Aug 2007 08:03:28 GMT

Nightmare

Jodine Derena Butler

(23/08/2007)

I have a nightmare

a relentless pursuer

dark and foreboding

with gnashing jaws and spitting teeth

I stare transfixed into the mouth

wide-eyed

watching, waiting, willing

inch by inch my back against the wall

frightened

the moon howls

and my belly aches

remembering the calls

I have a nightmare

and shadows watch the stalk

death is dying one last breath

alone in the dark, wounded

eyes watching, waiting, willing

a single drop of blood

falls to the ground

absorbed

into the earth forever

sinking, spreading, growing

feeding the lost souls

The pursuer recognises me

Me My Lovely Mother

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 03:39:55 GMT

Me My Lovely Mother

Jodine Derena Butler

(04/08/2007)

My mother taught me how to love

my love

My mother taught me when to cry

my tenderness

My mother taught me what to feel

my teacher

My mother taught me how to lie

my lover

Me my mother knows the truth

show me how to feel

Me my mother feels her pain

that I may feel your love

Me my mother’s afraid to feel

in it’s entirety

Me my mother’s hard to heal

in it’s glory

My mother says ‘don’t cry you look guilty’

in it’s hunger

My mother thinks I should be thankful for what I’ve got

and sadness

My mother shows it’s ungrateful to want happiness

that I may weep with you

My mother means Don’t rock the boat

and laugh

Me my mother questions right and wrong

with honest love

Me my mother try to get along

stir my heart

Me my mother doesn’t know what makes her happy

my softness there

Me my mother is seen as sassy

like your sweet caresses

My mother’s life’s a duty and

hold my head within your arms

My mother’s heart is hard

I whisper your emotion

My mother’s tongue is dirty and

tenderness envelopes me

My mother is a farce

and I feel

I feel

and I feel

warm with you

My Law - Appropriated from Murphy's Law

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 07:35:37 GMT

My Law: Appropriated from Murphy's Law

Jodine Derena Butler

(20/08/2007)

MURPHY’S LAW – ANYTHING THAT CAN GO WRONG, WILL GO WRONG

MY LAW - EVERYTHING THAT CAN GO WRONG, WILL BE SOMEONE ELSE'S FAULT

MURPHY’S LAW – Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.

MY LAW - I’d like to think that all the immoral, illegal and fattening things in my life are mere figments of my imagination.

MURPHY’S LAW – The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.

MY LAW - and not the Red light district between my legs.

MURPHY’S LAW – Celibacy is not hereditary.

MY LAW - I’d like to think that there is such a thing as celibacy, but I literally don’t feel it.

MURPHY’S LAW – Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

MY LAW - if I could say NO and never sleep with anyone crazier than myself, I would be lying.

MURPHY’S LAW – Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone.

MY LAW - I like to think I am truly beautiful, but beauty is only as deep as the botox needle, and ugly is what I become when it runs out.

MURPHY’S LAW – Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

MY LAW - Anything resembling a penis should be included in a game of leapfrog.

MURPHY’S LAW – A Smith and Wessen beats four aces.

MY LAW - but my leather riding crop beats your arse, hands down.

MURPHY’S LAW – If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don’t know what the hell is going on.

MY LAW - I like to think I know what I’m doing.

MURPHY’S LAW – Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.

MY LAW - I must be on the right track, as it only takes ONE argument with 99.9% of the rest of the population to make you look like an idiot.

MURPHY’S LAW – A short cut is the longest distance between two points.

MY LAW - I thought the shortcut was the quickest distance between my hand and your wallet.

MURPHY’S LAW – Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.

MY LAW - Friends do come and go, often, but some of my enemy’s masterbate at the end of a pay phone, accumulatively.

MURPHY’S LAW – Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.

MY LAW – My get rich quick scheme is not lying flat on my back, as some would like to believe.

MURPHY’S LAW – The other line always moves faster.

MY LAW - I’d like to think that I have a queue, but I actually do have a line…and this is still MY scheme to get rich quick, or at least it was until I got a mortgage.

MURPHY’S LAW – Murphy’s Golden rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

MY LAW – I’d like to think that my GOLDEN rule begins in the bedroom, but it actually starts in the SHOWER

MURPHY’S LAW – The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that’s the way to bet.

MY LAW - If I had to make a bet, you would always lose because you will always want something for free, and I know this.

MURPHY’S LAW – Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought.

MY LAW - I’d like to think that anything that gets broken isn’t worth fixing, unless you have the money to buy me a new one.

MURPHY’S LAW – The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.

MY LAW – Guaranteed.

MURPHY’S LAW – In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don’t need one.

MY LAW - I’d like to think I don’t need a loan, but then I would be a bigger Fool than some of my clients.

MURPHY’S LAW – No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you’ve bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.

MY LAW - Items bought on sale are bargains but in case they are damaged goods, I refuse to have one out of principle.

MURPHY’S LAW – The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

MY LAW - I’d like to think that I know best when it comes to my life, but the buttered side of my bread will ALWAYS stick to the inside of a condom.

MURPHY WAS AN OPTIMIST…AND I TEND TO AGREE

Not Banal

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 13:11:17 GMT

Not Banal

Jodine Derena Butler

(26/07/2007)

I caught the bus today,

back to my apartment;

a common occurrence now

normative the lecturer called it, back to work

I call it

I live where I work

I work to live

I wait by the telephone, expectantly

I wait by the lift, patiently

I work on my computer, religeously

Work is a means to an end

not my undoing, I choose

this life, chosen now and not before

forceful reminders

solidified

Concrete emotions honed

Un-toned body writhing, making sounds

of pleasure, lost

at sea

drowning yet serene

I know this place familiar,

untamed yet calm, numb

and seductive

definitely

not banal

A Poem

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 11:20:02 GMT

A Poem

Jodine Derena Butler

(30/07/2007)

A poem

descriptive words

concrete

abstract

Convey a rhythym

sight and sounds galore

Intriguing tales

a wordsmith's journey

Then

lines that twist

are breakdancing sonnets played

Alive and cherished

And alchemy

anarchy

orthodoxical paradigms

shift

And intuitive tangents

coalesce

together

expanding thought

And each of us

is random

is abstract is concrete

No tasks here

Metonyms in poems

Metaphoric poems

Creative poems

penned

The Maiden

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 09:36:51 GMT

The Maiden

Jodine Derena Butler

(01/08/2007)

Long fingers reach cheeks flushed tender.

Pink.

Tapestried upon lily skin.

Butterflys flitter joyfully dancing.

Desired.

Sweet and familiar.

A bed of wildflowers cushion dreams.

Scented.

The Maiden surrenders.

Gold threads weave jewelled glass beads.

Bleed.

Cycles young and old.

Deflowered and dying gracefully.

Bedroom Inventory

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 09:02:44 GMT

Bedroom Inventory

Jodine Derena Butler

(01/08 2007)

A Green duvet, and me

blue, Eeyore pyjamas missing a button

a gaping hole, my solar plexus?

Books scattered, carpeted,

the bed and floor.

Phones times three, waiting.

A clock ticking away.

A red candelabra, standing

tall, white candels scented.

Mirrors and paintings

reflections imaged incomplete...

A red slip.

Pillows.

A thick winter coat, disembodied.

Folded towels in one corner,

also white.

Soft toys and clothes, strewn

careless?

Tissues not far away on the bedside,

table ready.

Slatted curtains not really curtains at all.

Shafts of light, penetrating.

My wheatbag, purple and warm

comforting

and Klimt's Women is wide open to 'The Kiss'

at the foot of my bed.

Chameleon

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 14:59:17 GMT

Chameleon

Jodine Derena Butler

(29/07/07)

Dark shadows in the night

my heart dead and buried

No skeleton's in my closet

closed

Wolves gnash blunted jaws behind my back

Angered and pained

Inflamed

with fiery piercing eyes to my face

I try to hide

my back against the wall, held up

No Green-eyed monsters here

just Chameleon in disguise

Disguised

Love is lost

friendship false