Jodine's Art Space: My Journal Entry...

My New House!

Sat, 20 Sep 2008 01:42:32 GMT

Here are some photo's of my new house. I should have taken some earlier ones from the slab up...but I was slack! Lol. But this is where it is up to at the moment. We will probably be moving in around November...I am in two minds about this. The house is less than half the size of the one I am in now...and we have too much furniture, and the section is almost non-existant...and our neighbours are all around us because of it. We have to stay there for a minimum of two years to cut our taxes. I am a little pissed off that we can't rent it, but if we did, IRD would want a huge chunk of the profit. I'm not into that!

Hi everyone...I'm back!

Sun, 24 Aug 2008 11:12:42 GMT

Hi everyone. I'm back! I have been so busy with my band 'Misled'. Loads of gigs. Check out my gig guide on www.eventfinder.co.nz and type in Wildflower Entertainment for a list of all my bands gigs. I am also trying to start up another band called 'Wildflower' and I think I have found the right musicians. We will be meeting soon to start to tackle the song list and be ready for Summer. We practice downstairs in my newly decorated lounge. The perfect size!

My house is almost built. I am in the process of selling furniture on Trade Me as the house will be too small for all my junk.We will be renting out the home we are in now until the market picks up again in a couple of years. I will miss my spa pool more than anything! I will post some photo's of our new house as soon as I drag out my camera...watch this space.

Speaking of water, it just hasn't stopped raining! I am sick to death of the cold, wet miserable days. They reckon it has been the wettest winter on record. I hope that bodes well for our up-coming summer!

My friend Michelle left for the UK last Thursday, so that is also a big hole in my heart at the moment. We have decided to meet in Paris for her 40th in a couple of years. Fingers crossed I might actually get out of the Pacific Rim! I have also been very busy selling all her stuff on Trade Me, as she doesn't have a computer...and that has been some mission I can tell you. People buy the most bizarre things though and sometimes for ridiculous prices. Other people's junk is definitely someone elses treasure!

Nice to see Tiera and Lady Jude still thinking of me and sending me lovely postcards. Thanks guys! Mwa Mwa xx

I guess I am in a different space than I was when I started up this blog. I don't feel as if I have a lot to say these days. I think that is a good thing...not so depressed I suppose!!! Lol. I use this blog mainly as a sounding board to myself and a way of staying in touch with the outside world when I am feeling a little lonely. Being married still has lonely moments. I can actually say that I have a life at the moment, since I joined the band. We are going out to venues and having a blast. The band members are all good people and we gell really well together. Loads of laughter! The best sort of medicine.

Ok, so I don't know what else to say...um...Family wise, Ken's mum is not too good with her leukemia. That will be the next big upheaval. We will eventually have to move to Hamilton to be closer to her and to build another couple of houses on the sections. The change of scene from Auckland might also be a welcome thing.

Other than that, my life seems to be going well and I have some good people surrounding me. Ken and I are doing great. Karma is still pregnant and looking like a cow too! Lol. Not that you or I need reminding that I will be a Nana around the 10th of December. She is having a boy. Liesa is also doing well. No mental/emotional drama's. She has a good job on the North Shore working for a trucking company. Her girlfriend seems to be OK.

So there you have it. A blurb about what is going on with me. Keep in touch all and talk again soon. Jx

My Shrink

Thu, 22 May 2008 10:48:12 GMT

I saw my shrink the other day to get my script re-filled. I always enjoy our small sessions. I have some things to ponder at the moment which is quite interesting. Learned Helplessness, Map of Consciousness and being a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. Nevermind if it doesn't make sense to you...I know what it means for me.

I found the Map of Consciousness useful for understanding the mindset of my Apathy. I was also able to see my husband and some friends by their personalities. It really was quite remarkable how it all translated. Food for much thought.

The Learned Helplessness is a bit more difficult for me to wrap my thoughts around. My pessimism see's to that and it seems to confirm my poor ability to function well, to my detriment. Im not sure how to get out of this hole. I did some Googling and realised that treatment is very difficult...so my pessimism gets a big tick.

I do feel like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. I am totally afraid of failure. I abducate responsibility, and thereby avoid the risk of making a mistake or failing. Therefore my life is largely thwarted by my own fears. That was not the word I was looking for. Stagnant? Unfulfilling? Unsatisfying? Boring? None of them are the right words but they all add up. I think you will get my drift.

I feel trapped in my body. Like my body is a lead weight and I can't (there's that word again) break free from its grasp. This is just a side effect from my thoughts though. My core beliefs are so negative they are sucking the life out of me. Literally. Apathy. Now there's a great word. Lazy is the layperson's term for it. Lethargy. It all comes from a belief 'Why Bother?', it all turns to shit anyway. My shrink disapproves of me using the terminolgy 'shit' to describe people, places, feelings etc...and for good reason. It describes faeces, bodily waste matter. Not a pleasant description. I can do better.

God! I am a miserable soul. I have such a huge mental block. What to do what to do. All the well meaning words and caring thoughts seem to fall off my shoulders. WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! Jx

Ive been a bit down...

Thu, 22 May 2008 10:30:14 GMT

Over the past few weeks I have been a bit down on myself. Sex has been disasterous and my self esteem has plummeted. I guess in my heart of hearts I have not been satisfied with my lot. My feelings take the shape of a figure 8. Perpetuating and cyclic. A resigned neverending sence of 'not good enough'. My vocabulary has consisted of can't which translates into won't which translates into must and should and ends up sitting inside my head, laughing at what I said (stolen lyrics from Super Groove).

But tonight I managed to feel something remotely like pleasure and surprised myself. I could actually feel. I allowed myself to go with the feelingswhen I noticed a slight twinge and it built from there. It was kinda surprising when it happened for me like it did tonight. I wish I could set the mood and program the feelings to function like that all the time we make love.

I guess I should cut myself some slack and be gentle on myself and realise that I have had a lot of stress on. I like sex to de-stress though, however. But my husband is the opposite, unfortunately. If we're both stressed it doesn't work for either of us. I hassle him for sex and he avoids it. I guess we all have issues like that sometimes. It feels like it happens a lot for me.

Anyway...I have one more blog to write for tonight. Jx

Its raining!

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 04:12:16 GMT

Hi everyone, I'm bored today. It is raining and I have finished all my rennovating projects. Ken is not quite ready for me to do the downstairs bedroom or kitchen yet...so...I am in another limbo land. I have put up five beautiful copper fish in the downstairs bathroom and toilet though which make it look awesome, and rearranged some pieces of art for the walls downstairs. Just little touches that make the home look and feel aesthetically pleasing.

I do have a massive project to do in a couple of weeks. I will be preparing and painting the entire interior of my 3 bedroom rental property! That means: cleaning all ceilings, trim and walls, plastering up any holes, sanding, undercoating and two top coats. ALL BY MY SELF!! It will be a huge endeavour but will save so much money and keep me occupied so I don't go insane. Ken is waiting to hear back for a quote to concrete the driveways and two vehicle crossings (the only thing left to do for the sec 224c and title). He is also organising a quote to paint the exterior of our rental too. We have to make the home appealing to buyers...and if it means spending some money then so-be-it. We have decided to keep the house that we are living in and doing up at the moment, as an investment property. Char and Deni may be moving into it when we move in to our new home. Char has lived with us two or three times for a year or so at a time over the years so she ha a love for it. I won't have to worry about it being trashed.

Anyway...I am cooking beef cassarole for dinner. I had pork last night. My father grows pigs and beef so we get free meat every now and again. Yum. We have been living on bacon bone boil up soup of late, due to the weather. Nothing like soup on a wet miserable day. But enough is enough. I love my meat and three vege too.

Ok well, I had also thought about doing some creative artwork on canvas today but the weather has not inspired me. I need sunlight...which is sort of the opposie really. You would think if it is wet, painting indoors would be ideal. Bye for now. Jx

The 2nd lounge is finished

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 08:00:23 GMT

I have been very busy over the past month preparing my downstairs lounge and stairwell. It has been an absolute nightmare! I forgot that when I painted it the first time, I just did a quick cover up to tidy it up...and now I have to go around and bog holes and even out rough spots and sand, sand, sand!

I've only just stopped sanding, literally. I am sitting here at my desk covered in plaster and dust. My hair is like straw. My hands and skin are like sandpaper and so DRY!

It is such a huge room with the bar removed. It will make an excellent extended family home when we sell. Fingers crossed we get over $500k for it. It is now 270m2. A huge house.

All I have to do now is carpet and replace some of the lights with downlights and voila!

Anyway, that is my rave for the night. Talk soon. Jx

Char and Deni's Wedding

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 00:55:16 GMT

My friend Charmain Ghio got married to Dennis Wilkinson on Friday the 4th of April. They decided to sneak off to a registry office instead of having a big expensive wedding. Me and her mother were meant to be witnesses, but on the day, Char's mother was too ill to make it and so Ken and I were going to be witnesses...except Ken and I had an argument the night before and he was sulking on the couch and refused to go...so when I arrived at the registry office, it was panick stations as they needed Ken! I had to drive all the way back home to practically drag him off the couch. We arrived at the registry office, only to find we didn't know where to go and they had turned off their phones. I thought she had done a runner because she was so upset that everything was going wrong on her wedding day and she mentioned she wasn't going to do it. I panicked and phoned her parents and told them I couldn't find her, and that I thought she had done a runner (freaking them out!). Finally I was able to reach Deni...then out they all walked from the locked room next to us...already bloody married! What a fiasco! But very humerous in the end. I bloody missed my friends wedding because of running around after my sulking husband! Never again!!!!!

On the way around to her parents place, Ken decided to continue to sulk and got out of the car at the lights and walked home. I continued to party...but Char's dad phoned him and he came up on his bike! It was just as well too. I was not in the mood!

The house sale has fallen through...

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 09:09:49 GMT

Well so much for our house sale going unconditional! We found out today that it has all turned to custard. So we are now looking at another option.

a) Move out of our house into the rental, paint it, do the vehicle crossing and concrete the driveway. By that time, title should be through and we will also be next door to our new house, making it handier for Ken to build.

b) Rent out our house to cover the mortgage on it

c) Sell the rental when we move into our new house, and hope the market is stabilised.

Not much else we can do at the moment. We were just so lucky to have been given some inheritance money! Phew!!!

My new job

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 11:08:33 GMT

I started my new job yesterday. I am sort of working for myself but in our own building business. We got a sole contract to build small portible homes, which seem to be the big rage in New Zealand. Only 60-100 m2 or so. The homes are already pre-sold, however it is up to the owner if he wants us or someone else to build on site for them. My job is to project manage the job and collect all the relevant quotes from all the required sub-trades, add 10% for my commission, then present the new owners with a complete quotation for the work. 9x out of 10, they will accept the quote as we are already familiar with erecting them and have 100% support of the company that sells the specific brand of home.

I feel like I am contributing more in our company in which I am only a director...lol. Sometimes it feels wierd drawing a weekly wage for doing sweet FA. I do, do the books and other office work, but this feels a bit more meaty and hands on. I enjoy people and it is nice to make new aquaintances. I do physically help Ken on site occasionally. I have done for years. I love the variety and the challenge of learning a new skill. I have nailed off roofs, handed up sheets of iron, nailed off decks, cut timber, plastered, painted, tied off steel (horrible dirty job!), cleaned up the building site, run errands, built fences, landscaped etc etc etc. I need my autonomy but I also enjoy the application of repetetive jobs sometimes. I just tend to zone out for a while and do a lot of internal processing. It is quite therapeutic.

The best part of being on the job with Ken and the team is the jovial comraderie. God we have some laughs and take the piss out of each other! It makes for a good day and everyone feels good.

Thank GOD! for Inheritance

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 21:03:55 GMT

Kens father left us a fair amount of inheritance. It has now paid off all our overdue taxes, and we are paying the final fee's to council for our subdivision. We have about $70k left to finish rennovating our house. He would have been pleased that he has helped us through our rough patch. Hell! I am over-the-moon!!!!! I think it is safe to say that we are out of the shit now and looking forward to making some big bucks with our development projects. Jx

Gone but not forgotten...

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 00:38:04 GMT

Thank you!

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 21:21:38 GMT

Thank you to everyone for my Birthday well wishes. Jx

The Rental is SOLD!

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 23:34:49 GMT

Hi Everyone...we have just sold our rental property for $350k!

Yeehaa, Yippee, Woohoo, Ariba!!!!

This is a huge weight off our minds. This is a Private Sale too, so we don't have to pay for any Real Estate fee's...which are horrendously overpriced. The only thing is that the settlement date is 1st April or when the CT is through, whichever is the latter. But it is a done deal. What a great start to 2008. Jx

Happy New Year!

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 21:44:08 GMT

Hi everyone. Happy New Year! I was inspired by Vicki's blog to write something about the New Year, and start off my 2008 blog...

For Christmas we went down to Hamilton and spent Christmas Eve with Kens dad, sister and brother-in-law. My friend Michelle and daughter Karma was with us also. Then Christmas lunch on Christmas Day at Kens mother's with the rest of the Stewart clan. I had a few too many drinks, ate too much, which resulted in Michelle and I crashing for a couple of hours. We then went back to Kens dads and had a BBQ with the neighbours who have just completed an $800k rennovation on their house (which was Kens family's olf farmstead).

Karma and Tawa had a fight the Friday before Christmas, so we ended up going up to Whangarei to pick her up. It looks like their relationship is going down the gurgler...as since then, she has moved back home. Its been so long since I have had one of the girls living at home again...I'm still adjusting. But it is good that she has come home to her Mummy. She is sad...AND has a few bruises on her arms, so I think it is for the best.

We went to a friends place in Swanson for New Years Eve in West Auckland and proceeded to get extremely drunk in good company...followed by great sex of course! New Years Day was spent nursing headaches but we did go out to another friends for a BBQ. This time we were restrained and didn't drink anything alcoholic. We took the bikes over so couldn't drink and ride anyway.

Today is Kens first day back at work. Karma is still in bed, and we have a real estate agent coming over at 5pm this afternoon to discuss her buying our rental property. If this goes ahead, it will be a great start tot eh New Year. She already knows that we won't go below the $350k that the registered valuation said it was worth, so it is up to her now.

We have the loan money through to start building our new house on the back section. But it is not yet in our bank accounts. We had a couple of hiccups with the subdivision before Christmas which pissed us off no end! We are now organising Trench and Cable to come in and lay the power and telephone, and concreting the crossings so we can submit the sec 224c for the final Certificate of Title.

We have $100 to our name at the moment until work starts paying... we have missed our mortgage payment of the 31st of December too. Not much we can do about it. Considering that the mortgage for the two property's is $5k per month! We are waiting for the loan money to come through so we can pay off our taxes ($26k), pay off the credit cards ($13k), pay the mortgage and finished the rennovations on our house. We are still on target to complete our home for the market end of January and early February. Fingers crossed that this sells ASAP too.

Other than that, our Christmas has been slow and penniless, but we did manage to go up North to Ruawai to see my Father for the night. I have managed to plant a succulent garden and dig up a huge square under the clothesline ready for putting down some bricks. I am just waiting until we have enough money to buy some sand before I start laying them.

All the best wishes to everyone for the New Year. Love to you all. Jx

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 02:38:59 GMT

Merry Christmas Everyone...! and my hasn't this year gone extremely fast! Here is a few pics of my christmas tree (all 3 feet of her) that I put up this morning.

Hi

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 21:02:04 GMT

Hi everyone. Im still here, just taking in my new surroundings. I went into a quite deep depression for the first week...I seem to be bouncing back now though and I think it was to be expected. Ive made some big changes. The weather has been absolutely divine! I am no longer sore and the stitches are coming out on Friday. I am in a very professional band, giging 3-4 times per week and I am busy learning new material. I weeded the garden last Saturday. I also saw a realtor from The Jones in preparation for my home to go on the market. We need to get all the rennovation work done (as shown above in the photo's) first to get a good idea of the price. I'm off to visit my friend today at her new home and have a gasbag. The house is tidy enough...OH! I have a resident Oppossum who now lives in the space between the soffit and clear lite roof of our deck (so it can be seen as I sit on my chair). It looks as if it is about 1-2 years old. The dog, Pipi, spotted it again this morning and now she is glued to the rug just beside the door waiting patiently for it to move. I know she wants to eat it! They are such pests here but it is also so very cute. I have taken some photo's of it so as soon as I download it I will add it here. Have fun in the sun and spot ya later. Jx

Limbo Land

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 00:18:47 GMT

I am in a state of limbo...since finishing Uni and getting through all the crap associated with finances (house), kids and work, I am finding I am in Limbo land. I finish work on Monday night... and that is a good thing. My OP is on Tuesday at 2pm... then I will be in recovery for a week or two...hopefully it will stay sunny. After that ???? My shrink says it is not a good idea to go back into a hierarchy type job (that rules out 99.9% of work), so I am wondering what I can do to earn money that is not what I was doing... Make sense? MMMmmm, something where I have autonomy, get out and about, utilises my natural people skills and has an element of creativity and fun! Isn't that what everyone wants? Any idea's folks? Jx

Blurb

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 23:07:50 GMT

Hi everyone. Its a beautiful day here in Auckland. Ive just cleaned the spa pool ready for a re-fill...and a soak later on tonight. Just doing a belated spring clean and getting ready for summer. I thought I would get out the cedar BBQ and give it a quick sand and stain it. Might catch a movie later on too. Have a good day!

Subdivision Delays

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 21:39:10 GMT

Hi everyone. We have had a hiccup with our sub-division. Our surveyor forgot to lodge the sec 223 and 224 to council, so we have just wasted 4 weeks thinking he had done his job and our Certificate of Title would somehow arrive in the mail! This has meant that our loan to build our house is also delayed, so we can't sign the building contract and go ahead with that now, and the money to finish our rennovations on our home is also tied up, all because of this idiots bullshit.

I feel like smacking him! But that would be unbecoming... but feel damn good!

So, now we wait some more. I am SO at my wits ends with the waiting. Ive almost left my body and moved on already! Lol, but it will be worth the wait. With all the calculations we should come out of it with a new unencumbered home worth $500k, which we will live in for a few years, about $200k cash in the bank, and we will be in an awesome position to either do another property development or buy our 5-10 acre Lifestyle block and build our mansion in the sun complete with chickens and a goat!

Oh, I can see myself in my dungaree's, scattering out grain for the chickens, and ducks and geese..., collecting warm fresh farm eggs... before petting the pet calf, scratching between the goats horns, running my lanolined fingers through the sheeps wool and leaping the farm gate in a single bound before leaving my gumboots at the door to my open plan, designer home with NO neighbours!

Oh and did I mention...in the nude! Lol... "Ken! I'm home!"

Finishing Work

Thu, 18 Oct 2007 22:07:22 GMT

For all those in the know...I am finishing work in 3-4 weeks. I have someone to rent my apartment and possibly take over (buy) my website too. Ken's work has just picked up and I want to be able to concentrate on other projects and company's I have put on the back-burner. It is a little scary but exciting at the same time. As predicted, everything seems to be improving financially at the end of the year, so I can't hope for more. I have done my best in difficult circumstances.

I have decided not to pursue a MCW but continue with my Creative Writing Papers. Jx

Go Away!

Thu, 18 Oct 2007 01:51:40 GMT

I'm really struggling with people wanting to join my friends list who are religeous fanatics! I have to decline them and block them from contacting me. They need to do their missionary work somewhere else. They do more damage than good for me. One of my best friends is a devout Jehovahs Witness. I have known her for over 16 years. She would NEVER do or say some of the things I have heard recently BACK OFF!

Sunday 14th October

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 09:14:46 GMT

Hi Everyone, just an update for today. The funeral went well and was more like a celebration. Incense, Indian music and Australian Didjirido. Loads of candels and the family all spoke.

Afterwards on the way home, we called in to my biological fathers. I love him a lot. He is a Vietnam Vet and I am proud of him. We had loads of laughs today, followed by a beautiful roast mutton. Yum!

Ken is knackered as he insisted he would drive up to Whangarei AND back... so he is in bed snoring his head off.

Off to uni tomorrow... J

Funeral

Sun, 14 Oct 2007 10:55:35 GMT

We are off to a funeral tomorrow. Karma's (daughter) boyfriends (Tawa) father just died of Melanoma Skin Cancer. We will be in Whangarei for the day.

Also, we just got a phone call this morning from a good friend in Australia, Clarky,who is pictured in a photo above, who is diagnosed with Lung and Throat Ccancer and it has spread through to his lymph nodes. He is 6 months YOUNGER than Ken! We are in a bit of shock.

We have BOTH stopped smoking... J

My Happiness - slowly creeping back

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 20:20:49 GMT

My Happiness is slowly creeping back. I woke this morning with a warm feeling and a big smile on my face. It was because I was lying next to my husband and I felt safe and very loved. I got up and made him a coffee and brought him breakfast in bed for a change. The sun is out and I am a box of birds again. Band practice today. Ive been practising and organising some new songs for them to learn. Back to uni on Monday to find out what I have missed and frantically do some major catch up if I am to be on target with my Portfolio's. I think I might submit this Blog as my journal. I may have to transcribe some of my learning and readings onto here...Im not too sure yet. I need to have a discussion with the powers that be. The sun is shining! I might go for a bike ride later this afternoon and blow out some cobwebs. The Ducati needs a blast. It will be good. Thank you to everyone who has supported me through my sadness over the past week or two... xxxoooxoxoooxooxooooxooxooo Jx

Happy

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 10:26:14 GMT

I suppose I had better write something 'Happy' for some of my blog contacts...

Happy is over-rated

happy makes others feel safe

happy is getting a good nights sleep

happy is not getting woken up in the morning

happy is having friends that are really friends

happy is being able to cry without being told to shut up

happy is finding a voice

happy is writing a voice, without being told to shut up

happy is finding a reason to live

happy is finding a cure for sadness

happy is for people who think they are the bee's knee's

happy is a judgement

happy saves face

happy is relative

happy is a lie

happy is over-rated at best and under-stated at worst

happy is preferable...to what?

Dogs at my Door is being Published

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 23:34:06 GMT

I am finally getting my first poem published. Dogs at my Door will be published in the next issue of Side Stream Journal. I am absolutly stoked! This will be so useful for my portfolio at the end of the year. J

I use to have a friend

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 14:19:18 GMT

I used to have a friend. One that I helped and nurtured and loved with all my heart. She is gone now, replaced by someone I don't recognise anymore and I'm not sure I like anymore. Friends come and go, enemies accumulate... she came, she took, she went. I am hurt and there is nothing I can do about it. Again, I walk away. This time it is the best for both of us. I wish her well on her journey and hope she finds true love. Three strikes - you're out! I learned a lot from her. Goodbye.

Bordello Photographs

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 10:13:41 GMT

Hi Everyone. A friend once told me that these Bordello photographs were taken of actual prostitutes of the day by a famous photographer (whose name I forget, lol) in the 1800-1900's. They mysteriously disappeared. He died and they were thought to be lost but they turned up about 50 years later in someones attic. There are heaps of them, but they are the only known record of actual prostitutes posing for a photographer at the time. I absolutely love them. Their natural curves, natural bushiness (yes I said bushy-ness), and the elegance they possessed even in the most bizzarre of costumes. J

Winter Solstace

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 08:27:29 GMT

Hi. Its that wintery time of year and shit it has been cold! I'm really feeling it up here in auckland. I have been invited to a women's celebration of the winter solstace with a group of women, out at Bethell's Beach. We will be gathering in the carpark on Sunday the 24th of June. We will then head off down the beach, build a bon-fire, form a circle and welcome in the winter season. It will be so COLD! We will all share something in the group, ie; poem, song, story or anything, then afterward we will share some kai. I'm looking forward to it, but I hope I ccan get out of bed! J