Jodine's Art Space: Entertainment

Altitude

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 09:22:24 GMT

Check out my Event for the band 'ALTITUDE' at www.altitude.events.live.com . I have included a gig guide for you all to see, in case you are in the area and feel like going to a LIVE gig! Jx

For all my GAY friends!

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 00:31:15 GMT

Please don't be offended! I think this is rather funny and obviously written by a closet homosexual as he seems to know an awful lot!

"Am I Gay?" Self Examination For Men
>
> 1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay.
> It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have
> spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the
> Oprah diet.
>
> 2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog,
> but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
> delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And
> just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get
> your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a
> cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be
> framed, you're so gay. (MMMMmm, the phrase 'get your ass over here' could also be a latent tendency toward beasiality)
>
> 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
> nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on
> bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs
> feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a
> fag.
>
> 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
> parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship.
> A man's world is his bathroom; he goes wherever he pleases.
>
> 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will
> never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy
> Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.
>
> 6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four
> different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as
> well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory
> space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out
> chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can
> name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are
> faggadocious.
>
> 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to
> tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at
> a slow-ass driver or to cut off the jerk. The rest of the time he needs
> that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his
> beer.
>
> 8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list
> because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely
> on the verge on being a fudgepacker.

MY 40TH BIRTHDAY!

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 23:43:40 GMT

It's my 40th on Saturday the 19th of January! All welcome at my place for a BBQ and alcoholic party...till the wee hours, followed by a Spa for the adventurous at heart (clothing optional).

RSVP by Wednesday 16th January

"Amber Red"

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 00:12:57 GMT

Hello hello. I have decided to go it on my own and form a new band. It is called "Amber Red". I will be singing the same line-up but looking for a band to support me. Looks like I may have found one! I have an audition coming up with an already formed and gigging band. This could be the break I am looking for to have some unadulterated FUN! Jx

YUP! I found one. They are awesome and giging 3-4 times per week in a couple of bands. The Bass Player plays like Flea from the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. We are now learning our parts. Next Gig is at the Dogs Bollix I think??? I'm not 100% about this yet... watch this space. Jx

TRANSLATE POETRY

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 05:27:48 GMT

Hi Everyone. Again, those of you in Auckland on the 19th, there is another Poetry event called Trans-late. Yes! Yours truly is performing. They have posters advertising the event...I am trying to get one for my bar...for posterity of course, lol. OK here's the deal, Trans-late is a cafe' on Whittaker Place, which is off Symonds Street, city. There are about 10 of us performing. Judges are from all over, including the university. Come along and have a coffee, wine or beer.Jx

ALT TV at Verona Bar on K Road

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 00:58:40 GMT

Hi. Did any of you see me on Alt TV? It was a buzz and over so soon. I read three poems. Kiss, The Maiden and The Window. It surprised me how quickly the time went. Kathryn is a lovely person. My husband, two girlfriends and a partner came to support me. It was great. Thank you. Jx

ALT TV - Guest Poet

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 21:49:31 GMT

Hi everyone, just thought I would let you all know that I will be appearing on Alt TV this coming Sunday from 8pm. I am their Guest Poet and I have a 10 minute spot. It is on the Vernona Show which is held LIVE at the Verona Bar in Ponsonby. All are welcome. Maybe we could and have a few drinks (I know I might need a couple...). Anyway, this is an announcement to all who are interested, and living in the Auckland area. Jx

I met Guns and FN' Roses!

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 21:01:19 GMT

GUNS AND F’N ROSES!

I’m nearly 40 years old and I have a Complimentary Ticket and After Party Pass to see Guns and Roses on the Chinese Democracy World Tour, at the Vector Arena in Auckland New Zealand, on their opening night, Friday the 26^th of June. It has been a reasonably mild winter’s day all day, except as soon as dusk begins to fall, the rain begins to settle in. I totally wreck my bedroom, trying to decide what a Rock chick wears these days, and finally choose a black mini skirt, black lace top stay up stockings, black boots and a brown halter top with a plunging neckline. If in doubt, black is always best! I grab my beautiful Cashmere and Wool coat I brought on sale, and headed off on foot in the rain.

Throngs of people were heading in the same general direction as me, and as I presumed correctly, headed for the new Vector Arena. This was my first concert there. As usual, it was a sea of Black. It looked like West Auckland had had a mass exodus…I started looking for Ewen Gilmour at the front of the crowd. To the left of me, the merchandise store was full with people spending their hard earned cash on Gunners trophies, wrist bands, T-shirts, Hats, bandana’s. Its all the same shit. Hawkers were selling unwanted tickets up ahead of me in front of the ticket booths. One desperate and wild eyed hopeful, came up to me and asked if I was interested. I replied proudly, “No. I’m a guest with the band”. Oh I felt so good, and I continued to walk in my determined manner to the guest ticketing booth.

“Is this where I pick up my complimentary ticket? I’m on Sebastian Bach’s list”. Ha ha ha ha. I collected my ticket, ripped it open in excited anticipation, and found TWO tickets in it! OMG! What am I going to do? I immediately text my girlfriends to see who will respond first…no response. I ring them with a sense of pride and urgency…no answer. Finally, I decide to ring my husband, and ‘lo and behold’, he’s by my side within 20 minutes. A New Zealand land speed record was borne! We entered the Arena and immediately lined up in a queue for a snack and a beer. I was impressed by the wide variety of food and beverages and of good quality too. After scoffing and guzzling, we made our way upstairs to be seated. The Arena was dark and I had trouble finding my footing. It was also very steep and I had frightening visions of falling into the Mosh Pit and missing the concert all together!

The Mosh Pit was about 3/4rs full, and the general Arena was 90% full when Sebastian Bach came on. I missed Angry Anderson and Rose Tattoo earlier. Sebastian played his old favourites ‘18 and Life’ and ‘I Remember You’, as well as others I had never heard of. The sound quality for his performance was very poor. I attribute that to his sound technicians. He kept racing behind the stage with his arms waving, demanding that the volume be turned up. I could see him getting extremely angry and at one stage he stopped a song altogether. I didn’t get the impression that he enjoyed the crowd either. I thought that most of the crowd in the Mosh Pit were not old enough to know who he was! Playing in the shadow of Axel must have been a drag throughout the whole tour. I think Sebastian might be still stuck in the very early 90’s, with an anger problem to boot.

When it came time for Guns and Roses, the sound was well and truly sorted and the volume loud and booming in my chest. For an instant, I remembered the Deep Purple concert of the 80’s, and the feeling of my body reverberating with every sound wave from the then enormous speakers. The show was about to start. The crowd was on their feet as soon as the first chord to ‘Welcome to the Jungle’ started. The stadium erupted into a screaming frenzy. We all heard him simultaneously. How could anyone mistake that husky, yet piercing voice. Then we all saw him as the spotlight came into focus. People were jumping and screaming, clapping and looking around at each other in mutual rapture. This was truly a momentous event and one for the permanent storage in the memory banks of everyone who was there. ‘Welcome to the jungle…we got fun and games…”

Axel began speaking to the crowd by asking the crowd at the back of the Mosh Pit to move back a little as people in the front were getting crushed a little. He introduced himself to the crowd and made comments about how he was a ‘…softer, gentler Axel..” Axel sang his heart out and the band played extremely well in tribute of the former Gunners. Although Slash was no where to be seen, he was not really missed. Sad to say, but true, in my book. Axel intermingled songs from ‘Appetite for Destruction’, ‘Use Your Illusion 1 and 2’ and finally the ‘Chinese Democracy’ Albums. The final song of the show was ‘Paradise City’. I was on my feet through out the whole show, teetering on the edge of an abyss, high up on the slopes of Mount Vector. I was in heaven!

After the show, we made our way downstairs and headed straight for a security guard. “Where do the VIP’s meet for the After party?”. We were directed to wait by the ATM Machine…which seemed at the time, the most unlikely and un-befitting of places to wait for the King of Rock. However, true to form, there was a small intimate few of us present, all with befuddled looks on our faces, wondering whose idea it was for us to wait by the stupid ATM machine! After all, we were VIP’s! You also won’t be surprised to know that the majority of us ‘chosen few’ were little chicky babes under 20! They were just slapped with a sticker and told to wait in no uncertain terms…they seemed in a daze. And slightly confused. I could almost hear their brains ticking over “Axel is the LEAD singer, Axel is the LEAD singer…”. However, here we all were, waiting.

Me! Well I had already wet my panties. I had even given instructions to my husband Ken to pretend that we were unrelated! I didn’t want any complications in case I was found myself on my back somewhere in the corner. Actually, I had fantasised that it would be more like Axel or Sebastian on their backs! But alas, I was sadly in the minority. Saggy tits, wide arse and Botox all add up to OLD. These 40+ year old Rockers were DISTINGUISHED father figures for their new generation of fans. But I digress. We were lead through an ID check (no, I didn’t have to show mine), then down a long corridor to a very small and overcrowded room. To the left, a wide screen of the America’s Cup Race, in which we had just lost the 6^th race. To the right, wannabe musicians and groupies of various description, mostly all wearing Black and adorned with various body piercing's, but all equally jovial and on the lookout for the prize. They were all drinking the free beer.

The band members were first to arrive. I made sure I got their autographs on a poster first, but I distinctly got the impression that this was frowned upon, so I put the marker away. Then in came Sebastian Bach. He is so tall. I would guess at about 6’6” maybe. Compared to my 5’3”, he was a giant. It took me a long time to work my way up to meet Sebastian, and when I did, I was short and sweet, very shy and not at all confident. I was totally not myself. I started to become a little frustrated with my lack of demeanour in the face of Rock Royalty, but I could not do anything about it. I was convinced Sebastian just took pity on me as he invited me to a more private party to meet Axel Rose. I had to ask him twice if he actually meant ‘me?’. It was a free for all at this point with groupies vying for Sebastian’s approval to move through into the next phase of groupie induction. That was that. I grabbed Ken (the husband), made him carry my bag, and coat, and we followed Sebastian into the Guns and Roses Guest Room.

Axels room was bigger, had a lot less people in it and was more decadent. Two big vases of red and white standard roses were a feature beside three couches. A long table was full of healthy food and beverages with a juicer handy for the celery and carrot sticks (however it broke down from overuse). Go figure! Two bottles of Krug champagne were waiting for Axel to open when he arrived. I was offered a glass of Krug already opened, which I sipped decadently. Surveying my surroundings I tried to see who the movers and shakers were. Then I saw him. He walked right past Ken, saying “Hi. How’s it going?’, and walked up to where me and my friend were, (by the Krug). He opened it and poured my friend a glass. It was at this point that he became inundated by groupies and I slunk off in the background waiting for the tide to ebb.

I was struck by his presence. He has a real presence. His hair was tied in neat braids in a short pony tail. He wore a light coloured suit jacket. He looked divine. I watched him meander around the room talking with his fans about everything except his private life. I didn’t see a wedding ring on his finger but he had a huge Onyx and Diamond bling ring on the other hand. Eventually, I had the opportunity to talk with him. He spoke about his new album Chinese Democracy and how there was a lot of Red tape in the music industry about who owns what and who makes money. I got the impression that the industry is very cutthroat, even at his level. We only have to see what happened to Meatloaf for an example. He said the record company’s love his new music and are backing him, so that has to be good for us fan’s.

At another time, he sang one of his new songs. I was staring in awe no more than two feet away from those luscious lips and titillating voice. He was great. It was at this point that I seized the opportunity to ask him about whether or not he would have Slash come back in to Guns and Roses. Let’s just say folks, that he has NO time for Slash what-so-ever! And I mean NO! I wouldn’t repeat his sentiment toward Slash anywhere! Nearing the end of my second Vodka and Cranberry juice, I decided to leave the young ones to it. It was obvious I was out of my depth. Heartbroken as I was, they were not going to whisk me away for drunken debauched sex! I could still revel in the knowing I actually met and spoke to Axel Rose of Guns and Fn’ Roses! I went up to Axel as I was leaving, and thanked him for the opportunity of meeting him and wished him well. He said “No problem”, and once again, I was starstruck. I grabbed my bag and coat and in a flash, I had EXITED the building!

By Jodine Derena Butler